Hope you all enjoy it.
When you're living in the country you need to make your name sound countryfied, so I changed it so I could fit in. I was born William Head. A proud name to be sure. Mom & Dad were so very proud to be known as Mr. & Mrs. Head.
Wow! What a legacy. What a thought. When I first moved to the country I decided that everything I did or said had to be country. So, I changed my name.
I am now known as..... Mr. Dick Head. I'm proud of it. William was just too citified. I'm sure Mom & Dad would be
People seem to laugh when they hear my name for some reason. I like it, seriously.
I had a button made with my name on it and an arrow pointing to me.
Yep, Sir.. bold, capital letters... MR. DICK HEAD.
I think everyone should wear a pin like that.
If you don't have a name that's as sophisticated as mine then.. it's ok. Go ahead & use mine. You'll be proud too.
My life in the country hasn't always been easy but it has had its challenges. Like
the time I took my first
sponge bath on my front lawn. Now, that was a real experience.
Or the time I ended up getting sprayed by the skunk & had to do the tomato juice treatment.I really thought it
was a cat. To appreciate what I'm talking about, read..
The Citified Farmer. ( howtogoinsanewritingstories.blogspot.com)
Well, here is a new story about my life as a citified farmer. Hope you enjoy it.
Experiences in the country never cease to amaze me. When I first moved here I was so naive that it was easy to
tell that I was from the city. I didn't know a rooster from a chicken's butt crack. I think I do now.
One day I decided to go to town & some guy stopped to talk for a minute. People are kind here & just love to
spend away the hours talking about anything & everything.They like giving away things to ya too. So,this stranger
ended up giving something that was very special to him.
He ended up giving me some seeds to plant, promising that I've have a bumper crop that I'd never forget.
He didn't tell me what kinda seeds they were but that it was "one of the most popular plants around," he said.
Purely medicinal. Does wonders for the mind. Helps you sleep. Increases your appetite, makes you wiser than anything sold on the market.Wow! This was a real scientific break through.A marvel of marvels.
Imagine that. A miracle plant that can do all that. And it's tax free too. That's so kind of the government to leave off the taxes so that so many people can enjoy the benefits of this wonderful plant.
They are such nice people. I'm not really sure what people in the government do. Maybe no one knows.
It must be a secret though 'cause people keep saying they never see them do anything.
That must be an easy job. Personally, I think they help people who want to harvest great crops just like this.
If the government really put their minds to it, I'll bet they could be the leading suppliers to the world.
Talk about an export. Maybe I should mention it to them.
Great ideas come from strange places.
I'm sure glad that it wasn't something illegal. Wouldn't want to get mixed up with somethin' like that.
I've heard of plants that people grow that can cause all sorts of problems. Pot, Marijuana, Mary Jane... what a cute name. You don't suppose it's the same thing.. do ya? Naw. I'm too smart for anything like that.
No Sir, wouldn't want to get mixed up with that other stuff.
The guy I got the seeds from said it was some new crop that everyone was wanting to grow. He said that it would grow nicely if I planted it amongst some trees or bushes.
I guess he didn't want everyone to know about this great new crop I was growing incase word got out & some poor soul decided to steal it from me. People will do that I hear.
He also, out of the goodness of his heart I guess, gave me a brand new vase. It's beautiful with cartoon people on it.I'm not really sure what to do with it though as it has all these hoses coming out of it.
What did he call the stuff now? It was a funny name. Oh yeah, Mar-ge-wan-ee. Huh! Never heard of it before.
He said it sounded like the other name but it was a totally different plant.
He said that even the cops were looking to find people who were growing it. Must be a real popular thing to do.
I just don't know why they just don't grow their own.
He did mention something about being laced. Hmmmm. Must have something to do with all those little edges on the leaves that make it look so pretty. He showed me a picture of a plant. Awww. He didn't need to do that.
Personally, I think everyone should grow it right in their front yard in full view. Never be ashamed of what you do well. Be proud of what kinda farmer you are. Trust me. Someone will take notice.
My philosophy is.. if it grows, I'll try it.
He was such a kind man. Always tryin' to help folks I guess. I'm sure there will be a place for him in Country Heaven one day. He deserves it for being so kind.
He showed me all those cute little things on the sides of the plant. What did he call them again? Oh yeah, buds.
I like that name. Reminds me of a guy I once knew. He wasn't too bright though.
He said that that was the money maker right there. I was humbled that this stranger had such wisdom, such knowledge about something like this. He really wanted to help me.
I asked him why he didn't grow it himself. What he told me made sence. Simply didn't have the room & people had a tendency of raiding his garden.I thought that sounded right.You don't want those scoundrals stealing all your
He did make me proud too though. Said I was a better farmer than he was.Told me I was brave to accept this challenge of crop growin'.Told me if I did it right, I could become one of the biggest growers in the county.
What a challenge. What a thought. Me. A man among men. The king of Mar-ge-wan-ee.
I was impressed.This guy had so much confidence in me that I felt humbled that he would consider me as the king of the crop.He told me to never tell anyone about what I was doing as everyone else would get jealous & want to be
I was the man. I was the one who would lead this world into a new era of the mar-gee-wan-ee crop. People would be bangin' on my door to buy what I had grown. This guy really knew his business.
I was to be their leader and he didn't want anyone taking that away from me. That was kind of him. I like this
One thing I noticed though about him. He kept looking around when he as talking to me as if he was nervous
about something. Guess he just didn't want everyone to know about this great secret. I can understand that.
That told me he really cared.
So off I went, as happy as if I was in my right mind. Sometimes I've wondered. I had to prepare the fields for my new crop of mar-ge-wan-ee. I decided I was going big.
The bigger the better. I wanted everyone to see my new
endevour, but I remembered what that guy had said about people & their jealousies.
Shoot, if I had my way, I'd share the harvest with everyone. One big, happy community. Now, wouldn't that make me popular with the neighbours?
Well Sir, spring time came & went. Summer arrived & besides the regular farm work I had to do, all I had going
for me with the new crop was to sit & wait. That was easy enough. Even I could handle that.
The new plants grew like wildfire. I was so proud. One thing I was happy to see was that none of the other neighbours had grown the same crops. This way I could corner the market. Maybe I could set up a store downtown & sell my new product. I`ll think about it. Mr. Dick Head's Mar-ge-wan-ee Emporium. Sounds like a catchy name to me. Think it will catch on?
I've seen some funny things in my time but this beat it all. One day I was lookin' out my kitchen window & I saw the cows with rythmn. I mean it. They were out in the field & with each step they'd sway back & forth like they were waltzing to the music of one of those long haired composers. Back & forth. Left to right. Whoops.
One fell down. I always knew they could be high class.
Now, that's talent. I didn't see any of the other farmers cows moving like that.I'm so proud of my farm animals.
I decided that if the animals liked it then it couldn't be too bad so I decided to try some.
Now, what do you with it?
I decided to make a salad.I had my tomatoes, lettuce, radishes, cucumbers and a BIG helpin' handful of Mar-ge-wan-ee. I don't like to skimp. I ate & I ate & I ate some more. This was good.
I started feelin' kinda funny though about half way through. That's ok. My head always feels funny so I can't really tell the difference.
By golly, I had the munchies like I hadnt eaten in a week, so I ate some more salad.The munchies wouldnt quit.
How can a person eat so much and still be that hungry?
My eyes kept crossing . I coulda sworn I was a little fairy flittering around on the ceiling.
I could feel myself floating way up there. My wings fluttering & the sound of something plop, plop, plopping as I flew about the room. I could see my cup of coffee on the table. All alone, just sitting there. Something strange
was happening that I couldn't understand.
Teenie, weenie bombs kept falling out of the sky & into my cup.
Oh, by the way, I used some of that mar-gi-wan-ee in my coffee also. Tasted perty good too.
There it was again. Plop. plop. Right in my cup. Dang, it wasn't bombs. It was me a ploppin'. Bombs away. I just know I was flyin up there ..... I think. Here all this time I thought I was being invaded.
My mind was so confused. It was foggy... even more than usual.
I kept thinkin' I was hearing the sweet sound of birds tweeterin' their songs of love.
I sat there, listening to their songs that filled my ears with that heavenly music.Turned out to be me.
I was passing gas.
Boy, when your using mar-ge-wan-ee everything sounds so beautiful.
One thing I saw that really amazed me was I kept seein' this little pink monkey in one of those skimpy things ballet dancers wear. Man, was he cute. you ain't lived 'till you've seen somethin' like that.
His little tail waving back at me as he would swing around the room, chattering to himself. Once in
awhile I'd see him waving to me like.
Friendly little critter. He'd scratch his head, then scratch his... well, never mind that.
He did need some table manners. That's for sure.
I think he was the god of Mar-ge-wan-ee.
Some mystical creature from the great beyond that shows himself when his followers are using this great herb of nature.It's his way of honouring us followers of the pink monkey cult.Must have something to do with religion.
Well, if this is what it is like to be a member, then I promise to be a faithful member. I'm so happy that he chose me.
I got to thinking & if I'm gonna do this then I needed to give it my all. That means my farm animals also needed to become members cause they all belong to me.
That's when I made my decision. It's now or never. Give it all I got or nuthin' at all.
I took some of that green stuff out to the barn to share with the animals who were just lying around.
This would put some life in their step. I was now thinking like a farmer with a purpose.
I'd tried sausage farming but it didn't go over too well. I don't know if it wasn't enough rain or what but I never did get a harvest from it.
I guess it's not too popular around here 'cause people would laugh when I told them I wanted to grow fields
& fields of sausages.
Oh well, not everyone can specialize in such a magnificient crop as that.
So, here I was. Spreading around all this mar-ge-wan-ee in the barn, in the hen house, out on the grass so that the little creatures of nature could enjoy it also. I love to share.
The hens pecked. The cows ate away at it like I'd never seen them eat before. This was amazing how much they enjoyed it. I wish I hadda known about this a long time ago. Coulda saved myself a fortune with buying hay.
I coulda just gave 'em all the mar-ge-wan-ee I could find to fill their bellies.
It was cheap & had such a good smell too. Only thing was, there were seeds in it.
I don't like eating the seeds myself but the hens loved 'em. I find them too crunchy.
Here I stood, watching my barnyard creatures gobblin' up all this green stuff. They were happy & it may be just me but the more they ate,the happier they seemed to be.
I was so happy that they seemed to love this new found plant so delicious. Makes it easier on me too.
Farm animals can be so picky when it comes to what they like to eat.
That reminds me. I wouldn't mind another helpin' of that wonderful salad. Kinda hungry again myself.